This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There's even glitter on my cock...
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