you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
