Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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