are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize