all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
