Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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