3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The maid of honor just puked.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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