Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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