wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
