This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
