I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
