She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
