She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
