dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
