he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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