I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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