I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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