a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
