I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
