11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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