she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
