Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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