I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
