He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize