I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
