One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
