be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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