just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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