i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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