let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
