the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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