what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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