just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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