last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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