Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
