You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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