I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
