We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
