dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
