my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found your dick twin last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
