After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
