and i looked up. we had an audience...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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