His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
