Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
