Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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