Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
