Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ruined the universe
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
