Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
