Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
