i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
