hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
