It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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