Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
