she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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