is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
