God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
