Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
