Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
