my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
