I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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