Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
