ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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