Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
