Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
don't judge my taste in strippers
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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