I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize