Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
