Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
