Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bring me that man meat
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
