we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to make out with him forever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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