This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize