Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
