Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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