I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
