i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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