If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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