Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
