you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
