My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
