Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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