Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
