Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
