he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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