dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
