How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
