No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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