thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's get the cat blown out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
