I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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