life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
