I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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